Alien Spouse

On Returning to Work After a Short Illness.

When you've been out of the office because of a short illness, it's likely you are going to go back in before you are really at full strength. So you really are hoping that the first few days will involve coasting on some simple jobs, the work equivalent of a soft-boiled egg with soldiers, or tomato soup with cheese-on-toast. The reality, however, is invariably an assualt of hard-to-digest 3 course meals of to do lists, spreadsheets and un-read e-mail.

sigh.

On top of that, there is inavariably some piece of office politics that just makes you want to beat your head against a wall (hmmm, maybe that would have helped clear my sinuses - note to self for next time).

First Day of Classes: Spring 2012.

Let us never speak of this day again.

Well, except to note there was no blood shed, which I believe illustrates an almost super-human forbearance and mercy on my part.

I did say "No!" several times though. Crickey.

Oh! There's Just One More Thing.

Today I finally buckled down to the really super boring job of re-organising the contents of five filing cabinets. Ugh. I hate filing. On the other hand I really hate poorly organised data, and so it needs to be done. Double ugh.

As a reward for suffering through getting paper cuts from manilla foldes, I'm relaxing at home with Doc C, Edith Cavell-Cat and a very early episode of "Columbo". I really love Columbo.

Thursday Summary.

It's really annoying when you have news to tell someone, so you e-mail them to say "There is gossip to dish" and then they call you and say "Is it blah?" No hello or anything, just right in there with the correctly guessing your fresh intell. Humph!

Work continues to be very quiet I was pretty much alone all day but David did need to come in so he brought his dog Buster with him and that was a rare treat. I think more people should bring dogs to work with them, preferably those that are hypoallergenic (Not that I'm allergic to dogs myself, but I know that's an issue to be aware of when bringing animals to the office)and like to shake paws. I love shaking paws.

One particularly great thing about being alone at work is sigining into our netflix account and streaming movies that Doc C has no interest in, whilst I also get all sorts of housekeeping tasks done before the spring semester kicks off. Today I sorted the evaluations to be processed whilst watching cheesy 80's horror, it was a productive and entertaining day.

Working Hard for the Money.

It's still a ghost town in my office ate moment; which is great because I have things to do. Mostly these are boring things, but they're fiddly and require some concentration.

To keep things interesting I've been listing to vintage radio plays on Relic Radio dot com. Personally I'm a big fan of Strange Tales, which usually have a ridiculous plot and an imaginative sound effects guy.

Work. Sleep. Sixties Television.

First day back at work was fine, but tiring - I went upstairs at 5:15 for a nap intending to be awake by 6:30. Three hours later...
On the positive side, the cats thought it was entirely for their benefit and very much appreciated me staying still for so long.

Now I'm watching "Mission Impossible" on Netflix streaming. I loved the series as a kid, but Doc's never seen it so we're kicking off from episode one. I was shocked to find that everyone in the team was in place - except for Peter Graves. It's weird to see some other bloke as team leader, but the presence of Greg Morris is reassuring.

The Mouse Returns.

sigh.

So in the early hours of the morning I was woken up by Doc C getting up to go and see what was going on downstairs, because he'd been woken up by the loud squeaks and the sound of thundering paws.

Pinky the mouse was back.

This time we left them to it, because if a mouse really has that little instinct for self-preservation there is really not much you can do for it. We didn't get much sleep though, because it was a pretty lively mouse and they were running around for hours. Anyone who uses the phrase "cat-like" to mean quiet has clearly never lived with a cat.

At one point the noise suddenly stopped, and I came down to see if the mouse was dead so I could stop them eating it. It wasn't dead, it had merely wedged itself under the heater, so Edith was just sitting there playing wack-a-mole with it. It did sneak past her though and then I got to see both of the cats working as a team to corner it; which was pretty impressive, if you managed to ignore the fact that they were toying with a live creature.

By the time we got up (which was something like two hours late because we overslept), the mouse was lying on it's back but still breathing. I scooped it up into a vase, and we detoured on our way to work to drop it off in a wooded area near the river. I don't know if it's going to live, but at least if it does it won't get back into the house and go through all this again.

A Shot of Perspective.

Today I found myself getting a little overwhelmed and tearful because of a spreadsheet.

To be specific, it wasn't actually the whole spreadsheet, it was that the person who had filled in the information had left a column blank right in the middle, and so when I used the sort function it shuffled some but not all of the data. This wouldn't be a huge deal normallyThe reason this was a problem was because I didn't know that had happened, and I've been working with flawed information for a week. I think I've fixed all of the issues, but it was very frustrating, and now I need to have my work proof read before I carry on.

Meanwhile, a student came into the office who I know by sight, but I don't know her name or anything else about her. Well, I didn't know anything about her, until she came into the office today panicking about a course she was being charged twice for. This was a problem because her husband committed suicide a few months ago, and so she's been trying to complete her degree, whilst looking after her kids and coping with the financial maelstrom a sudden death can create. She has hit the limit of things with which she can cope, and I had no idea there was a thing wrong because she is always friendly, polite and smiling. 

And so now I'm thinking that a frustrating spreadsheet issue is actually be a walk in the park. Ok, on this particular spreadsheet walk (stay with me here), I may have stepped in something nasty but it can be cleaned up and everything will be fine.

Busy Morning.

This morning was pretty much laid out for me - I simply had to make alterations to next semester's schedule; essentially tailoring a skeleton timetable to fit the requirements of the registrar whilst trying to accommodate the preferences of the faculty. This is not as much fun as it sounds.

I was about two hours into the data splurge when one of the professors ran in to my office to tell me a student had fallen on the stairs and might have broken her ankle. The tricky part then was to report the accident to campus police and then the emergency services just based on those few words.

Is the patient conscious? I think so,because she was able to say her ankle felt broken. Is there any bleeding? That wasn't mentioned at all, and I think it would have been if there were any blood, so probably not. How old is the patient? Errrr.... It's a student, so, late teens to early twenties is statistically a good bet. Is the patient male or female? The professor said she, so female. It turned out that I had been right on all of that - The patient was a woman who had her 24th birthday last week, and she was both conscious and not bleeding. I'm like Sherlock Holmes!

I was waiting outside when the paramedics arrived, and I took them to the stairwell to accident site and I stayed to help if I could. They were great, and soon had her splinted and in the back of ambulance. I went back to my office, and pulled up her records for the accident report, and I also e-mailed her so hopefully I'll hear if she's ok. Fingers crossed!

Self Motivation.

There are days when you feel like you made a real effort, damn it, and no-one seems to have noticed; so then you start to wonder why you bothered. These are the times when I seriously consider carrying a small banner saying something along the lines of:

"I forced myself to get up today, &, whilst I don't expect a medal for that, I would like to feel like it was worth it. Please be nice to me."

It needs to be a bit more succinct, but equally it's hard to get across that exact set of sentiments in less than 140 characters.

Of course sometimes you have to just accept that your sacrifice may be the more noble for being unremarked, and simply make sure you have something you really like for lunch.  I had one job which got to the point that I was buying Wagon Wheels at lunch to put in my desk drawer, and then I only allowed myself to eat it if I came into work the next morning. The weirdest part about that? I don't particularly like Wagon Wheels (they are large cardboardy discs of biscuit, sandwiched with marshmallow and then coated in cheap milk chocolate), and had never before, or indeed since, eaten Wagon Wheels, so I have no idea why that motivated me.

Also, even though my sinusy head cold thing is much better my period started today. Ha bloody ha Universe! There's nothing quite like feeling like you are on the mend from one thing, only to immediately to find something totally different is attacking your midriff. sigh.

 

Sneaky Office Blogging - Shhhhhh!

Doc C has called Charter and made an appointment for a house call tomorrow morning - So I am hoping against hope that we will have blissfully uncomplicated internet access this weekend.

Apart from that it's been a fairly quiet day in the office, hence the quick blog break, but I am really looking forward to going home because we've got last night's "Top Chef: Just Desserts" Willa Wonka reunion special to watch. Squee!

Also, red lipstick. I don't want to wear it everyday, but, when I do feel like it, I find it makes me quietly confident and happy. Useful to note.

Vote Cranberry.

Brittany, my department's fantastic work study student, adopted a fish today and didn't have time to take him home before she came to work. So we've had a mini fish tank with a beta fish swimming around on my desk this afternoon.

He doesn't have a name yet, but Brittany liked my suggestion of Cranberry. She has joint custody with her room mate though, so there is going to have to be some serious discussion of the matter this evening.

Gathering My Strength.

Wow, the first week of classes is exhausting - And that's just for me, answering questions, scrambling to sort out room mix-ups and giving out permit forms like it's going out of fashion (which it will next week, when the add/drop period ends. Hooray!) If I was actually going to classes as well, I would have been asleep on my feet, which, now I think of it ,might explain a lot about the students this week.

I told Doc C categorically that I would not be leaving the house today. That I needed to sleep late, make toast, watch DVDs, play video games, drink several mugs of tea and take a long nap after lunch; and that is exactly what I did, except for the video games and there is still time for that.

Flowers!

One of the faculty brought in flowers today for me and Amy to show her appreciation of us. That made me happy!

I Don't Like Mondays.

It was a really hectic Monday, which I half-anticipated, but when I found myself quite glad that tomorrow I am having minor surgery and therefore will not be going into the office... Well, I think you will agree THAT is a hell of a Monday.

A Bouquet of Pipecleaners.

One of our longest serving faculty is retiring, so he is clearing out his office and gifting the treasures he finds to his friends and colleagues.

Yesterday I was given this bunch of pipecleaners, which I'm sure have a future as skelatal structures of amigurumi, but for now are impersonating impressionistic flowers on my desk.

I also got several different types of card index, a beer mat and an elephant trunk mask; whilst Doc has scored a giant pair of chalk compasses for drawing accurate circles on blackboard. 

Chaotic Cacophany.

When I woke up this morning I had a headache, but I got ready for work and dragged myself to campus (well, Doc C drove me most of the way really).

When I arrived my heart sank because outside the front door to my building were a number of huge and serious-looking machines, one of which was clearly a wood chipper. My actual office is about ten feet away from the main entrance, so it sounded like trees were being chainsawed and then chipped just over my right shoulder. It did smell lovely, so that was something.

Over the summer there is a new dorm building going up, so I have had a building site right outside the window for a couple of months now. I swear that they have been stepping things up so that the site not only has the usual mixers, forklifts, trucks, beeping reversing alerts, cranes, sledgehammers,power-saws, power-sanders and workmen with preternaturally loud voices, but also what sounds like a bass drum, a lonely wolf and a small rave from 1993. This is directly behind me.

But that's not all - My building is also playing host to the summer school for a local middle school, and so there are young teenagers screeching through the hallways every hour or so. It's odd to hear "GIRL POWER!" being bellowed by what is quite clearly an adolescent male but teenage boys away from the nurturing influence of their parental units are very loud; they also smell, especially when they get caught in the rain. Ooh, as a special treat for today the kids have been getting into the lift in large groups and then jumping in unison, so I can hear the high pitched whine of the lift-doors opening and closing in distress.

Essentially I've been sitting in a surround sound hell for my entire working day, and I already had a headache before any of that started. Is it really any wonder that when people ask me how my summer is going I'm just growling at them?

Keeping Things Clean.

When I came into work this morning there were several different types of cleaning product on my desk, including an anti-bacterial spray! Woot! I had actually requested them as part of our annual budget spend-down, but don't worry I haven't gone totally OCD about cleaning. It's more that when I was told how the sinks in the loos are cleaned around here... Well... It's just not my idea of "cleaning", let's leave it at that... So I asked if we could get something that I could liberally spray around to make it less likely I'll catch a flesh eating bug.

So now in the mornings I have a new routine - take the post to the collection point and disinfect the ladies' toilets on the way back. The men may borrow the disenfectant to spray around their toilet facilities if they ask nicely.

I don't particularly like the distinct bleachy smell that the cleaner gives off, but I'd rather have that then e.coli.

Friday : And Relax...

Today I got stuff done at work, as one does.

When I came home I took off my make-up, put on my exercise clothes and watched last night's "So You Think You Can Dance" with a cup of tea. Then I Zumba'd, but I'm glad none of the judges were there to watch, I'd never have made it through the initial auditions.

I also played a demo of a PS3 game called "Flower", which just involved swooping around as petal on the wind and bringing other flowers into bloom. Not exactly good botanical science, but bloody gorgeous and very relaxing. I got Doc C to give it a go after dinner and he thought it was lovely too. Not something you say often of video games; actually Doc is playing the "Watchmen" demo now, and that involves slot more violence and mayhem.

Speaking of dinner, this evening Doc grilled burgers (veggie for me, naturally) and half a lobster tail each, with a large salad. Please excuse me now whilst I curl up like a cat and luxuriously digest the tasty.

One Two, One Two, This is Just A Test.

This morning I was testing out a new microphone in the office, and I had just started recording when a group of students walked past. Much like the Brian De Palma film "Blow Out" (1981) I inadvertently recorded a conversation. Unlike "Blow Out" it wasn't evidence of a murder, but a more mundane student discussion about their intention to skip class tomorrow.

The microphone worked just as it should and I got a crystal clear recording, which I think would make a particularly excellent ring tone for disillusioned academics.

Terribly Comfortable.

Today was super exciting because I had been waiting all weekend for the post office to open and release the delivery of make-up that I'd ordered from Sephora. Doc C went to get the post mid-morning and brought it to my office, where I tore open the box in a frenzy and many exclamations of glee.  It is no exaggeration to say I immediately ran to the ladies' loos to put on my new red lipstick.

This might not have been the best of moves, after all I have worn neutral or rosy pink lip-stick for several years now, so it has been quite sometime since I put on a really red lippy. Plus I'd ordered this particular lipstick on-line, without seeing the colour in the real world before hand. Plus it is actually more of a lip stain, that promises to stay put for a long time, and I was going to be at work for another 6 hours, and I don't care how understanding your boss is, having a lipstick emergency is never going to be a good enough reason to leave work early.  Even if you do look like an unfortunate clown lady. These things can happen.

So, all things considered, it was very fortunate that this particular lipstick turned out to be exactly the shade of red that I wanted. I took a photo and posted it as my Facebook profile picture, where it garnered several encouraging and complimentary comments from kind friends and family.

What was really funny was that no-body mentioned the tiara that I was also wearing, because, OF COURSE, I'm wearing a tiara around the office on a Tuesday morning. What is more normal than that?

(Oh, they also didn't mention the black bar because that wasn't there. My super secret blogging identity must be maintained, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill.

An added bonus to the black bar is being able to quote "The Princess Bride" in my post title:

Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?

Man in Black: Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.)

I Dream of Germs.

Last night I dreamt that I felt really ill, and was trying to decide if I felt well enough to go into the office. It was very confusing to wake up feeling totally healthy.

Anticipating warm weather I got dressed in capris, a t-shirt and a thin cardigan; I was just putting on my shoes when Doc C told me it was actually going quite chilly. So then I had to get changed in about thirty seconds flat before we left the house.

That was still the best way round for doing things, I'd much rather be healthy and somewhat warmly dressed in jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt and a cotton blazer.

However, I didn't know the central heating was turned off over the weekend, so it was bloody freezing. Hopefully tonight I will dream a pattern for really warm socks that can be knitted up very quickly.

And Another Thing...

I have had a really rubbish day. I define that by quite simple criteria and if I've had to reassure more than one person that my face always goes blotchy when I'm a bit weepy then it's safe to say it's within those criteria.

The emotional rollercoaster track was plotted thusly:

• Morning - Chin up with a brave smile and a witty quip to face another day!
• Mid-Morning - Feeling a bit put upon
• Late Morning - Crying at my desk and calling Doc C for sympathy
• Lunch Time - Close to furious
• Mid-Afternoon - Calmly reporting the whole mess to my Assistant Chair
• Late Afternoon - Leaving early for the day
• Early Evening - Large whiskey and a nap on the sofa

I never did like Wednesdays.

Throw in a handful of hysterical laughing and moments of pure disbelief in human behaviour and I think you've got the basic idea. Please also spare a thought for poor Doc C, I think today was almost as stressful on him as it was on me; he hates it when I get upset but he hates it with a particular vengeance when I'm upset about something he can't fix for me.

The highlight of the day was when we realised we needed dishwasher powder and we'd overshot the last supermarket on our way home, so we went on to the next one past our house. Whilst we were there Doc chose a nice bottle of wine for me and I remembered I needed to buy some chocolate as well. On the shelf with the really good quality chocolate was Lindt, and the dark chocolate with sea salt was on special offer. This has a newly established special place in my heart because that was the very chocolate that Mum introduced me to on my trip home to see her and just seeing it in the aisle was a bit like a hug from my Mum at exactly the right moment.

Everyday Drama.

I am really bad at office politics, and always have been; but they are apparently just part of any workplace and a University department is really no different in that respect. One thing you can say for locking a bunch of intelligent and impassioned academics in a small space (figuratively) is that it does lead to some fascinating debates.

And, whilst it would be highly unprofessional of me to say anything more specific than that, I will say that over the past few weeks I have often thought that an English department would be the basis of an amazing "Mad Men"-esque drama series. Not necessarily set in the sixties, but full of intelligent people being witty and erudite with a lot of complicated motives and machinations.

Irritation Vs. Style.

My office phone spontaneously changed it's own ring tone from a fairly innocuous trill to a sirenesque cacophony which just grated on my nerves. It also turned up the volume, so it made me jump out of my skin every time it rang. This is apparently irreversible, based on my trying to fix it myself through experimentation; working my way through the instruction manual; researching on-line; and, finally, calling the help desk of the manufacturers (who could not grasp the issue I was having with the phone, give me any useful suggestions or understand what my name was). 

The irritation factor was really quite something.

Fortunately I was wearing a mini shift dress that I brought back from my trip home, accessorised with the fabulous silk scarf that Liberty released for Comic Relief this year, a pair of lovely Pilgrim earrings that my cousin Ella gave me for my birthday ages ago and my new pewter ballet pumps from M&S.

Being dressed as though I was a calm and collected grown-up lady very much helped me to resist the urge to throw the damn phone through the window.

Wednesday Day : Wednesday Evening.

First day back at work, after a fortnight's holiday and two sick days; I had 230 unread e-mails in my in-box, I kept thinking it was Monday instead of Wednesday and I'm still battling the last of my cold, so I am totally exhausted.

When I got home this evening I played some Little Big Planet, Doc C made me a blue cheese pizza and now we're watching the DVD box-set of "Mad Men" (season one). Fabulous.

En Français : Travail de Mon Dernier Nerf

"Working my last nerve" is an American turn of phrase which is very similar to the British expression "getting on my nerves", but which to my mind expresses that paranoid impression that not only is this person (or situation, or object) annoying you, but that it is intentional.

This entire week is apparently intent on working my last nerve.

Monday was just one problem after the other, not all of these effected me directly and some were a lot more serious than others, but it was the relentlessness which really wiped me out. Yesterday lulled me into a false sense of security, so it really did catch me off guard to arrive and find that the red alarm light on top of the emergency defibrillator was smashed. So the first thing I had to do this morning was call campus police, because I do not think that the light spontaneously broke itself.

What the hell is going on?

Is there a full moon, or is this just because it's the middle of the semester and everyone is tired and fractious (I include myself in that, I'm trying very hard to quash some unusually waspish tendancies this week)? 

Boring Spreadsheet Code Aide Memoir.

This will no doubt sound like a ridiculously simple problem to anyone who understands how to write Visual Basic codes for Excel, but I don't know how to do that. I know just enough about Excel to be dangerous, in that I'm aware it can do some pretty useful stuff that should theoretically save me bunches of time but it will take me hours to find out how. Naturally I tried searching on-line, but usually what I want to do is clearly remedial level Excel and there are no internet Excel guides written in crayon unfortunately.

Today I really wanted Excel to compare two sets of data and simply tell me where there were any discrepancies. It took me freaking forever to work out how to get it to do that, and my solution is as simple as it could possibly be, so I'm prepared to bet that what I ended up with could be much more sophisticated, but it will do.

The code that I eventually got (with the aid of the Excel function wizard) was:

=IF(A1=B1,"Woot!","Boo!")

It's 25 characters, more or less, and I'm making a note of it here so I don't have to spend hours trying to find it again. What it does is look at cell A1 and compares it to cell B1; if they are equal it writes Woot! in cell C1; if they are not equal it writes Boo! (that's what this one does, my one at work checks for room numbers and course titles, etc, so it might say "Room?" instead of "Boo!")

Really quite satisfying, and all the more so because Doc C looked at it too and couldn't get it to work. It almost makes him beating my Little Big Planet high scores, as I am writing this, not sting quite so much.

Scissor Cut,

A pair office scissors were lent out to a student this afternoon and when he brought them back he apologised for breaking the handle off. These are cast steel scissors, so it was rather impressive.

The Cure for Mondays.

There was a palpable Monday-ish to today, not to be totally unexpected on a Monday I suppose. It comes to something though when you are told that the lift you thought was broken is actually working and you think to yourself "Well that's just bloody brilliant isn't? Ugh!"

So I came home and played "Little Big Planet", then I got changed and did a Zumba routine. There is nothing quite like video games followed by crazy dancing around the living room to cheer a girl up.

A Box Full of Murder

Today was the leaving do for Kay, the office manager of Doc C's department. I worked part-time in that office when we first got here, so I went to say goodbye as well.  Whilst we were chatting she mentioned that there was a box of books under her desk that I was welcome to take.  Not just books though, murder mysteries! Kay loves a good thriller even more than I do, which is saying something, so there are bound to be some absolute corkers in here.

I must admit to leaving a few behind though, and that was mainly based on cover design or a really off-putting plot synopsis. I did keep the one that promised me a hijacked airplane (and I quote "...complete with a beautiful English hijackeress." Hijackeress?!?!?), and then a murder with the only witness being a chimp that can communicate with plastic symbols (please, please let these be fridge magnets). Oh yeah, I can already tell that one is going to be amazing.

Golf Course in a Bowl.

This is the terrarium that Amy and I gave to the department chair.  We commissioned the terrarium from a small business in Asheville and then added in the mini golf accoutrements because, well, he's a golfer.

The best part is that it only needs 1/8 of a cup of water once a year, and only needs indirect light.

In fact, upon reflection, it's the perfect house plant for me too.  How could I possibly kill something which comes cocooned in it's own micro-climate?

Mackenzie.

This is the amigurumi I made for my work friend Amy's Christmas basket.  She's based on a particularly terrifying small girl featured in the reality television series "Toddlers and Tiaras", who has become something of a by-word in our office for the majestic power of a well timed strop.  It's worth pondering from time to time.

Third Day Itch.

We were snowed in again today, which after the third day is starting to wear a bit thin frankly.  Today we really did try to leave, but we only managed to drive about 10 feet from our front door before the Mini's wheels lost traction in the powdery snow and just started to spin.

It was too chilly to sit still, so I baked cookies, deep cleaned the kitchen sink and put up that insulating cling-film stuff on the windows in the bedroom and bathroom; all whilst watching a SyFy marathon of really bad horror movies.

Hopefully we can get in tomorrow.

A Real Live Person.

I often joke that the students believe that the faculty sleep in their offices, because they seem to be so put out when the professor they need to speak to isn't there at the very moment the student needs to speak to them.  Well, maybe sleep is the wrong concept, it's more like power down really as all students secretly believe that their teachers are some sort of artificially intelligent android with no real human attributes like emotions or familial attachments.

In a similar way some of Doc C's students have apparently become fascinated by me, as an abstract concept rather than an actual person as most of them haven't met me.  Doc sometimes mentions me in lectures, and when I cropped up in one of his classes yesterday he was asked where I worked.  Upon hearing I was actually only in the next building over, a couple of them immediately started planning to come and look at me in my enclosure.  Another student is an English major, so he was able to tell the exciting story of having actually spoken to me.  He was even able to repeat a witticism I'd made, although I don't know if he tried to do a British accent.

I am so very exotic. 

Automated Office Equipment.

I paid off my Barclaycard this month, so I took it into the office and put it through the shredder.  Doc C was there for the very touching moment, but I will admit I was slightly disappointed that the machine was able to slice it up so easily.  I wanted more of a chomping noise frankly.

Sort of like the one my electric pencil sharpener started making, just when I was in the middle of a pencil sharpening marathon.  So then I moved to a manual pencil sharpener and I actually managed to get a blister on my finger.  I realised afterwards that I must have sharpened about a hundred pencils, so I can't decide if the blister is really pathetic or surprisingly impressive.  Maybe pathetically impressive?

A Purgative of Mental Objects.

Edith woke me up at 5 this morning by miaowing pitifully, which she never does, so I went downstairs to check she was ok (she was totally fine, I don't know what that was about at all) and then back up to bed; but I couldn't fall back to sleep.  I just did that dozing thing, where you have your eyes closed but your brain is churning away.

Mainly I was thinking about life, the universe, and, you know, everything.  A recurring theme was blogging and what exactly I'm trying to do in this little bit of of the internet.  I read a lot of blogs, web comics and cyber-zines so I've observed there are as many approaches to maintaining an internet site as there are people on-line.  I've never wanted to stick to a particular theme, because my blog was more about keeping an open diary.

When I wrote about going to the hospital with Doc C on Wednseday evening he wasn't very pleased that I'd done that, but it was in defending those 2 posts that I came to the conclusion that I haven't been writing about the things I've been actually thinking about.  I don't really know why I'm censoring myself so heavily because all it means is that when I open the compose screen I'm stuck with a very limited selections of topics to write about, and it sort of feels like I'm making endless small talk.  Which is exhausting.

So I think it's time for a cathartic blurt of my current recurring thoughts:

• Doc C and I are going to try and get me pregnant in 2011.  This is a very weird thought.
• I haven't been home in over three years and I just have a small but constant lump of homesickness in my throat that I have to try and ignore or I'll just wallow in it.
• I've been on anti-depressants for 18 months mainly to cope with the homesickness, and that certainly helps, but it's still there.
• I don't like living in a small town, because I really miss being in a big city.  The job market means we are unlikely to move anywhere soon, so I'm trying to make the best of it all but it's not my ideal lifestyle.
• Only one person seems to be talking to me from my last office here on campus, and that makes me really paranoid.  Did I do something awful or are they just cross because I changed offices?  No one's actually mentioned anything to me, but it's a hard feeling to shake.
• I like my current job but I always planned to have got somewhere in an actual career by this stage in my life, and I'm getting a little bit panicky that I'm in my mid-thirties without any idea what the hell I'm going to do next. Part of the problem is that the only career option that seems viable in a small university town is becoming a university lecturer.
• I'd need to complete at least an MA, which would involve taking classes, researching and writing essays and doing student teaching whilst working a full time job.  I need a nap and a large gin just thinking about that. 
• I would like to start a small business but I'm not sure what I should try to do.  I'm always being told I should sell my Amigurumis or other stuff I make, but I'm just not sure if that's really what I want to do full-time.
• I'm not a very good house keeper, because I honestly don't notice that stuff until it becomes clear that it really needs to be done.
• I don't like my wardrobe.  The only place I ever seem to buy clothes here is Old Navy, which is fine for jeans and casual tops; but all of their skirts are too short.  I'll never be cool and that's fine, I just want to look smart and sensible, but also a bit funky or at least interesting.  
• I can't find time to exercise regularly.  Going to the University gym is free, but it opens at 7 so I can only fit in 20 to 30 minutes in the morning before I have to get ready to start work at 8; the gym then closes at 3 and I finish work at 5.  I can't run because my plataar fascitiis flares up again.  I want to take Pilates, but one studio just won't get back to me and the other isn't offering classes until next year now.
• I'm a natural blonde and, as is natural, my hair is getting darker.  I occaisonally think that I'd like to dye it a fun colour, but I've never bleached or dyed my hair and I'm not sure I could really be bothered with the necessary upkeep to keep it looking good.  Plus that sounds expensive.
• We will be in Boston for Christmas, which means we will be seeing the Doc's family and he hasn't even begun thinking what we could do for presents for all of them.  Actually when I mentioned it this morning he said he would tell them not to give us any, so we shouldn't need to get anything for them.  This strategy never bloody works, and I find it mortifying to be given gifts when I don't have anything to give in return.
• Edith keeps pooping on the bathroom floor, I'm trying not to get angry with her because I know she's just trying to tell me something, but I don't know what she wants now. This makes me feel like a bad cat owner.

Ummm... Yeah, there's other stuff too I'm sure, but that'll do for now!

Gorilla and Leaves.

Today has just been damn weird.

For example I was updating some contracts when I saw in my peripheral vision that someone walking out of the building had stopped in my office doorway.  I looked up to see a person dressed in a gorilla suit, with a red baseball cap and a shoulder bag.  The gorilla huffed at me, and then walked off.

Which was odd.

Anyway...

Aren't these leaves pretty?  The photo doesn't really give you the full impact of the bright red foliage and black branches against the blue sky.

Games, Detectives, Soup and Crochet.

Yesterday and today have both been a bit hectic in the office, and probably will be for the rest of this week too.  So I'm pretty much brain dead by the time I get home in the evening, yesterday I played video games and watched "Sherlock" and tonight I'm making lentil soup and watching "Castle".  I am also crocheting a soft toy Yoda which is very engrossing.

None of this is a particularly good photo opportunity, or white hot blogging material.

So... Hi!  I'm making soup!  How are you?

Countdown to Halloween: Four Days

All of the faculty in my department have cubbyholes for their messages and books.  

This week it has also been the delivery method for several glittery skulls.

Office Space - Germs and Grass.

I came home from work about an hour early and went straight to bed.  I woke up for dinner, and I intend to go back to bed shortly.  So there is a possibility that I may have caught another damn bug.

Look, if you are ill, don't come into my office!  I am sick of the germs! Ugh!

In other news I have been collecting the string from the twice daily campus mail delivery.  I just hate throwing yarn away, even if it is pre-cut into random lengths.  I had a whole drawer full of string, which had turned itself into a really big knot, so I spent some time this afternoon unravelling that knot (trust me it was the most useful way I could spend time this afternoon, I was so brain-dead).  My plan is to crochet it into rug to put under my desk (I am assuming the string is State Property, so I want to use it to make something for the office obviously); I have one in mind that I really like and there is a free pattern for it on the Lion Brand Yarn website.

It's a crocheted (or knitted) to look like a patch of grass, which means it uses a lot of yarn; so it is perfect for a project which is recycling otherwise discarded string.  I might even dye it green.

And Then The Toner EXPLODED.

Generally when there is a problem with the department's main copier it will turn out to be a paper jam in the part that gets really super hot.  Normally this would be too mundane to note, but this was the only photo I took today and it did make multiple colleagues gasp and/or giggle, not to mention demand to know who had done such a thing.

This morning, as I arrived in the office, the department chair was on his way into the copy room because a faculty member had mentioned there was "something wrong" with the copier.  That really is a beautifully turned understatement.  As you can see what happened was when the machine was being topped up with toner, more of it ended up on the floor and in the delicate innards of the machine than actually in the toner reservoir.

I'm pleased to say that there was a happy ending though; copier services came to do triage and then sent in a specialist paramedic, so the patient lived and will copy another day.

Vice Versa.

I was well enough to go to work today, with a travel mug of tea and a further back-up thermos of tea (not a joke), and I had a timetable spreadsheet to show who was boss; so the day flew by.

At 4:40 Doc C rang to ask when we could leave... Because he was feeling ill... Nice one Germs, that is just hilarious.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  I still had data to input to my spreadsheet, but I called upon my inner strength and had it finished by five.  We stopped only to buy soup, vitamin C, cough sweets, tissues, painkillers and (English) muffins.

As soon as we got home we had a cup of tea, then Doc wrapped himself up in a blanket and fell asleep on the sofa for two hours, whilst I did my best to not make too much noise and keep Edith off him.

He seems a bit better now, I think the "Lord of the Rings" marathon on TNT is helping.

On Ice. In Paperback.

For various working-in-a-university reasons, that I probably shouldn't go into for professional ethics reasons, by the time I got home what I really needed a stiff drink and a nice trashy true crime.

All that I had to hand was a G&T with vermouth, and a second-hand copy of "Party Monster".

Ahhhhhhhh!

Perfect!

Smart Women Desk Set.

The second day of classes was still pretty damn hectic, but I surfed the wave of questions and it was invigorating.

The best part of the day was a present from one of the professors!  It was to thank me for scanning the hard copies of her notes for the semester after her computer's hard drive became corrupted and ate them all.

I actually was really interested in her class, so I very much enjoyed doing the scanning, but a beautifully wrapped gift was the quite literal ribbon on top.

It was a Smart Women stationary desk set, with just the most fabulous retro artwork on it.  I love how it looks almost authentically fifties, until you notice little details like the blue anchor tattoo on the leg of the lady sitting at her writing desk.

I particularly love the eraser:

Look at the hair and the specs!  Both of those women could have walked right out of the Sterling Cooper Draper Price typing pool!  SO fabulous!

Fall Semester 2010.

First day of classes.  Really hectic in the office.  So many questions!

Home now, so I'll just be on the sofa vegging out.

With a glass of something probably.

Creepy Dummy Torso Training.

This morning I had CPR training for four hours, mostly it was watching the training DVD demonstrations and then practicing what we had learnt on those creepy dummy torsos.  The creepiest thing being they sort of have my hair do, but in molded flesh coloured plastic.

After the practical there was an exam and I was very pleased to see it was all multiple choice questions.  To pass the course and have earnt the American Red Cross certification I need to have got 80% on all three sections of the exam.

The answer sheets are being sent to the Red Cross, so I won't know for a while if I passed or not - But if I do then I'll get a little ID card to carry around.

Contingency Plans.

I've noticed that the walk-in cupboard where we drop off and collect the mail has a lock on the inside.  In the event of an emergency, I could therefore nip along my secret passage, pausing only to pick up the key to the "mail room" (It's a largish cupboard with shelves, but we call it the mail room), and hide in there.

This is unlikely for two main reasons; firstly, I have never yet had to hide in the event of an emergency at work and, secondly, because there is an exit from the building a mere hundred yards further down the hall, so it would seem more sensible just to get out all together than to lock myself in a very small room with no other means of exit.  I suppose in the event of a zombie attack I might not want to go outside, but still a cupboard seems to be a very short term solution to that issue.

Still, it's good to know that the cupboard would be fairly secure; as long as none of the other key holders were bitten, or turned out to be the psycho killer or something.  Hmmm, that would be at least three points against it as a hiding place then, it's not ideal really.

These are the things I think about on just an ordinary working day, can you imagine what it's like in my head after I've watched a horror movie?  Good grief!

Say What You See.

Doc C was early to pick me up yesterday, and took to messing around with post-it notes.

It says

"Department of the English Lady".

Monday with Jason.

Well obviously it's Monday, and that did require me to go in to work but I'm taking three days off this week, so that was quite fun really.

And then after work - 

Mini Golf!  Tuna steaks!  Red Wine! "Dance Your Ass Off"! Booking a hotel in DC!

YAY!