Alien Spouse

Funny? Ha Ha?

Tonight Barack Obama will be the guest, via video link, on "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" at 11 (central).

I was trying to think of a British equivalent, but it appears that currently the only intersection between British comedy and politics is when the Prime Minister comments on "inappropriate  and unacceptable behaviour" by comedians who actually think prank phone calls to a 78 year old man are funny.

sigh.

And even worse the matted hair buffoon is starting to break America. So I have to keep explaining that yes he's popular, but no he's not what I would call the cream of current British comedy.

The Wire?

Following on from my excitement over actors from "The Wire"  visiting campus yesterday, I have been asking people on campus if they had known about it.  No one had heard about it before hand, and actually almost no one I spoke to had even heard of "The Wire" itself.  I spent a large portion of my day explaining it's utter genius to anyone who would stay still long enough to listen.

I did discover that actually there are seven cast members touring all over North Carolina at the moment, Chad Coleman (Dennis "Cutty" Wise), Deidre Lovejoy (Rhonda Pearlman), Jamie Hector (Marlo Stanfield), Clarke Peters (Detective Lester Freamon), Sonja Sohn (Detective Shakima "Kima" Greggs), Seth Gilliam (Sergeant Ellis Carver), and Gbenga Akinnagbe (Chris Partlow) have been attending rallies, visiting campuses and generally promoting Obama's campaign.

How fantastic is that?

Why Living in a Swing State is Great for Celeb Spotting!

This evening my department had an event for the students, so I stayed late and then headed over to the library to catch a film in the queer film series "Saving Face" (which is not the point of this post, so I'll just say here it was a really terrific romantic comedy and I enjoyed it very much.  It's out on DVD, so rent it now!).

It was snowing a bit, so I cut through the Student Union and as I was rushing along the corridor I saw a man walking the other way who looked exactly like Carver from "The Wire".

Which was because it was Seth Gilliam who played Carver in "The Wire".

Oh.  My.  God.

I actually stopped dead in my tracks and blurted out "I love your work!".  Bless his heart, Mr Gilliam stopped to shake my hand and talk to me, he was a very nice man!  When I asked what the hell he was doing in North Carolina he explained that he was here campaigning for Barack Obama; and that Gbenga Akinnagbe and Sonja Sohn who played Chris and Kima where here too.

And they were!  In a meeting room next to the bookshop!  I called Doc C and as soon as he answered I said "Carver,Chris&KimaFromTheWireAreInTheStudentUnion!!!"  "What?" "Carver, Chris & Kima from "The Wire" are in the student union!  Get over here NOW!"

Both Ms Sohn and Mr Akinnagbe were talking to students, and I didn't want to interrupt (after all they were there to talk to prospective voters, and I'm not a citizen so I can't vote), so I ran off to the screening, so I could tell Kim and Jill (they organised the film series) who are also big Wire fans.  It was one of the most surreal and most exciting celebrity spots ever!  It almost tops that time I saw David Beckham topless at Broadcasting House, but I wasn't wearing my glasses, so he was blurry! 

If only Doc C had been there too it would have been perfect, because he would have thought to say what a travesty it was the "The Wire" never won an Emmy.  Unfortunately by the time Doc got to the Student Union they had already left, so he is very jealous of me.  He says he's not letting me go anywhere with out him now, after all it's not just that I spotted three celebs in one go, but they were stars of one of the greatest television series of all time.  Which you can't argue with really.

Breakfast with Champions.

It's Fall Break, so the faculty and students had yesterday and today off, unfortunately office staff aren't so lucky.  So Doc C dropped me off at work this morning and went to get something to eat at our favourite breakfast place.

Whilst he was there an enormous pink SUV pulled up and two guys got out, and came to get breakfast too.  As it happened they sat at the table next to Doc, so as the two of them were chatting to each other Doc realised that one was a former professional surfer, and the other was probably a writer for a magazine.  He was tipped off by their discussing surfing with Tom Cruise.

When he told me about it, I asked him to describe the surfer and all I got was "He was huge!  He was just this really muscly guy, so I didn't laugh at the car!", so I tried another tack "Was he bald?" and The Doc said yes he was.

As it happens I can only name one former professional surfer and that is Kelly Slater; which was why I asked if the guy was bald, so I found a picture of him on-line to show Doc.  And Doc was pretty sure that was the same guy he'd been sat next to at breakfast this morning.  He thinks.  Maybe.

No clue what a surfer is doing 3000 feet up a mountain though.

Monday. Ugh.

Today was fairly awful, for boring work related reasons for me, but I found that pretty much everyone else was having a bad day too.  It seems to me that ever since I heard that Paul Newman had died, everything has just been wrong.  For example Jason e-mailed to say that he had got home ok, but his suitcase hadn't.  Again.  What is it with Delta, and the inability to fully co-ordinate a change of flight?  I haven't heard the suitcase's full itinerary yet, but I expect you will be seeing Jason's first book "Places My Suitcase Has Been Without Me" in airport bookshops in time to catch the summer tourism trade next year.

However today I did discover what could well be the perfect alarm clock; I currently use the alarm feature on my phone, but it literally scared me awake last week (I sat bolt upright and whimpered according to Doc C.  I dispute the whimpering) and I hate it.  I've been thinking that I really needed to buy a good alarm clock as an alternative, and whilst looking for one I stumbled across the website to the Voco.  It has a voice chip in it loaded with 150 different phrases read by Stephen Fry in Jeeves mode, and that sounds to me to be the most delightful way to be awakened.  If you don't want to buy the clock itself, you can also just download the phrases and a bit of software and it will play through your iPod instead.  There are different versions for Sir and Madam, as well as a Horoscope and Bible version (Stephen Fry doesn't do the Bible one though, which I was quite glad about actually).

 

I Used To Be A Doctor For Pretend.

Generally speaking I am not a fan of the way that some channels in the US have of putting a commercial break every seven seconds in programs.  Why run the opening credits and go straight into a break?  I do not understand that at all, and the same thing happens at the end.  There will be a break followed by a final snippet of the show and then the closing credits.  It's just weird.

However, I do have a current favourite advertisement which features Dr Horrible himself, Neil Patrick Harris.  I find that I just really like NPH these days, and his line delivery in this amuses me greatly. 

As I'm on a roll with the embedding of YouTube clips at the moment, please enjoy:

Three Dozen Mini Cookies and An Astounding Piece of Information.

This afternoon I was in the local bakery buying cookies for an event for work (I got to use my University credit card for the first time!  I have never had a credit card for work before, it's thrilling!)  On the counter they had displayed a copy of "Walter the Baker" by Eric Carle.  Being a former children's bookseller and, indeed, a former child, I love Eric Carle, so I picked up the book and flipped through it.

On the fly leaf I noticed it had been signed by Eric Carle himself, and the signature was dated 2008.  I mentioned this to the guy serving me, and he said off-handedly "Hmm? Oh yeah.  He's a regular here."

Wait, Eric Carle is a regular in the bakery across the road from my office?

Oh. My. God!

The man who wrote "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" buys slices of focaccia from the same place I do.  "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" has to be one of the most iconic children's picture books of the last forty years, and I remember it very clearly from my own childhood.   This may well be one of the most exciting things I've heard since I moved to North Carolina.

I blurted this astounding news out to Doc C, and then rushed back to the office to tell my colleagues.  No one knew what I was talking about, until I spoke to the department Director and she was just as thrilled as I was.  We may have to get one of the staff to tip us off next time he's in, and, Mum, if you still have my childhood copy of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", now would be the time to un-earth it!

Strictly: Season Six

The line up for "Strictly Come Dancing" has been announced, and I am so sad that I won't get to see it.  I wish it would come to BBC America, but I'm probably the only person in the US who actually knows who all the contestants are.

It's a pretty strong line up this year I think.  I shall have to keep an eye on the website clips, even though it's just not the same without the judges comments and Bruce's hamming it up.  sigh.

Dr. Horrible: Do Not Say A WORD!

I can't believe I forgot to watch The first installment of "Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" last night, and that I don't have time before work this morning.

Now this is important:  No-one is to tell me ANYTHING about this before I get a chance to watch it.  I want zero spoilers people!  Consider me a spoiler free zone until after the twentieth, when we all will, no doubt, be discussing our favourite parts and singing one of the tunes.

And also: Joss is King!  Long Live Joss!

For those of you lucky people with some time to spare right now, please click on the lovely big button below and it will take you to that magical place: The Whedonverse.

Dressing Up My Little Black Dress.

As promised, here are more photographs of the pink net underskirt.  Doc C offered to model, but I decided he should be the photographer, whilst I modeled and acted as creative director for the shoot.

I've mentioned before that the underskirt is vintage and was bought from Beyond Retro after I saw it on "How to Look Good Naked" presented by Gok Wan.  I love Beyond Retro, and I had seen the underskirts there before I saw the show, but seeing the difference it can make to an outfit convinced me to buy one for myself.

I already had a plain black jersey wrap dress, which I'd bought from H&M.  I'd been looking everywhere for a plain black wrap dress, and, whilst it's not a true wrap dress (the bodice wraps across and is stitched into the skirt, so you get the wrap effect on the top without the split skirt), it is still a very useful dress because I could dress it up easily but it was also a nice sensible length, colour and fabric with some movement in the skirt.  The thing I like about putting the underskirt underneath it is that it changes the shape of the dress, and makes the skirt a lot fuller.  The thing I don't like so much is that the elastic from the underskirt makes my waist look lumpy, so I always put on a wide belt to help with that.  I particularly like wearing a hot pink belt with this particular outfit.

Allow me to demonstrate:

 

You can't really see the underskirt in these static shots so I insisted on doing some spinning around to show some movement!

And of course we had to have one low angle shot too to show off all the ruffles:

Finally! "The Women" (1939)!

I watched the 1939 film classic "The Women" last night, it was on Turner Classic Movie Channel as part of Rosalind Russel Month.  I love that there is a television channel with a Rosalind Russel Month.

I was very excited to watch "The Women" because it is one of those films that I have read a lot about, and kept missing opportunities to see it at the cinema or on TV.  This was made all the more frustrating by the fact it's one of those films that is constantly on the about to be released on DVD list, but somehow never is.  Even with all the anticipation I'd built up over years of not being able to see this film, I thought it was great.  A film that stars Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russel, Paulette Godard and Joan Fontaine could be nothing, but great really.  I loved pretty much everything about it, apart from some of the hats, and it was such a treat to finally watch it.

As I was watching I did think that a re-make with some of the cast from "Sex and the City" would be fun, and I thought that sounded like a genius plan right up until I read on IMDB this morning that a re-make is actually being released this year.  "The Women" (2008) stars Meg Ryan in the Norma Shearer role, which I can just about accept, because possibly Meg Ryan is this generation of Hollywood's best approximation to Norma Shearer. 

However.  

Eva Mendes is in Joan Crawford's role as the bitchy conniving Crystal Alan?  Seriously?  Maybe Eva has hidden depths of bitchiness, but somehow I don't see it.

Even worse they are apparently updating the story to the present day, which makes a nonsense of the entire second half in my mind.  I do not see how this is going to work, because they no longer need to go to Reno for a divorce so I don't see how they are going to corral all those characters together convincingly.

Maybe they have a genius solution for this problem, but let's just say that I am concerned.

Kiss Eau de Parfum: With Scratch and Sniff Stickers!

Dear Jen and Jason,

Do you have a wedding gift list?  If not, you might be getting this:

A lovely His and Hers matching set of Eau de Parfum as endorsed by the glam rock legends Kiss!  Ignore the reduced sticker, I think that was put there in error.

Naturally we felt compelled to Scratch and Sniff, but could detect no smell what so ever, so I am unable to tell you what Kiss and their ladies actually smell like.  Probably for the best.

My New Favourite Reality TV Show

This is very late in the day for me to be posting for the first time, but I was unable to use the computer because Doc C was writing a philosophy paper or two.

Whilst he was busy writing those, I decided to watch cartoons on the TV in our bedroom, and as I was channel surfing looking for an animation fix I happened to stumble across a TV show called "Shear Genius".  This turned out to be exactly the same format as "Project Runway", but with hairdressers.  I wasn't specifically looking for this show, I just happened to switch on in the middle of a challenge in which the stylists were cutting hair whilst blindfolded.  One contestant managed to hack his own hand up quite a bit, whilst all of the models were looking distinctly nervous as they watched what was happening to their crowning glories. 

So, naturally, I stayed to see how that would turn out (the results were, um, interesting), and the presenter of the show turned out to be Jaclyn Smith, one of the original flavour "Charlie's Angels".  Whilst I have no clue why Jaclyn is presenting this, it did seal the deal for me.  I loved "Charlie's Angels".

As if the blindfold challenge wasn't hard enough, that didn't even really count for anything except that it decided the order in which the stylists could choose their models for the elimination.  This was also hilarious because all of the models had cards with pictures of a famous hair cut they wanted to emulate, and the big reveal was that all of the pictures were of cartoon characters.  It was brilliant, you can see photos of the end results here.  My favourite was Charlie's version of Marge Simpson's beehive which involved a cloud of fake blue hair styled around it to get that proper colour and height, but I think the most wearable was Daniel's Wilma Flinstone Do that ended up winning the round.

I can see I'm going to be hooked on this, as there is clearly going to be some fabulousness going on, but also because I really miss living with my favourite hairdresser, so this is very soothing for me.

Plus next week Kate Smith is a guest judge, and I want to see whether she looks as good as Jaclyn.

"Dollhouse" - Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I was already looking forward to "Dollhouse" which is scheduled to premiere on Fox in January, but now I'm super excited for the following reasons.

1. It's a new series created, and written by Joss Wheedon.  Hello! 
2. It's about a shadowy organisation with ambiguous motivations.  I love shadowy organisations with ambiguous motivations!
3. All of the agents are sans surname, and have totally ridiculous first names based on that police alphabet thingy.  So will we soon be learning to love people called Echo, Victor and November.  Genius!
4. There is some sort of mind control and/or brain washing involved.  Ooh!  Sciencey!
5. It's got Eliza Dushku in it.
6. It's got Olivia Williams in it.
7. It's got Amy Acker in it.

Any single one of those elements would be enough for me to interest me; put them all together and I am practically buying the action figures already.

But that wasn't enough for this show, oh no, it had to pull out the big guns and add the Magic Ingredient that was bound to make this a Must-See-TV event for me.

That's right.

8. It's got a former Australian Soap Star in it!  Yay!

In the role of Sierra is Dichen Lachman who may be more familiar to you as Katya Kinski, the character she played on "Neighbours" for three years.

On paper this series could not be any more perfect.  What's the betting Fox cancels the thing before it even starts?

Trailer after the jump...

Pink Net Underskirt. ***Formerly A Featured Post***

I'm guessing that Channel 4 has just shown a repeat of the episode of "How to Look Good Naked" in which the peerless Gok Wan enthused over a fluffy net underskirt purchased from Beyond Retro.  I base this guess on the fact I had 15 hits within fifteen minutes on variations of that google search from all over the British Isles (and, slightly oddly, Germany). 

If you have come looking for that, I have just taken photos to show the black dress I wear this with. The post includes before-and-after pictures, so you get more of an idea of how the underskirt shapes a dress; you can find that here.  There is also a post about storage of the skirt, and a lot more photos of just the underskirt here.

The original post about me buying the underskirt is here (I think I paid about thirty pounds for it, but I don't remember exactly) and a couple of photos of the the underskirt here, and here. 

I love this underskirt a lot; it's very comfortable, really easy to throw on when you are in a rush to go out and whenever I do wear it my dress gets loads of compliments (even from drag queens, who know a good outfit when they see one!)

Really, what more could you ask for?

Kinetic Phase Two Week Eight: Complete.

This week's grade is a solid B, which is fine because I'm still getting used to the new set up of things.  I got one A+ this week, so I know it is possible...

1. B - Two Combat, a Cardio and a Mind/Body.  I was in a bit of a rush, and the nice thing about setting my own workouts is that I really can taylor them for the available time slot.  The Cardio games tend to be 10 minutes each where was the Combat's are a much more intense 5 to 6 minutes, so this morning's work out was was designed to fit neatly into forty minutes but still give me a nice amount of exercise.
2. A+ - Two Cardio, Two Combat and a Mind/Body.  I had more time this morning so I added more Cardio and now I feel very sweaty.
3. B - Three Combat, One Cardio and a Mind/Body.  Have I mentioned how much more running around there is to do on the bigger TV?  I worked SO hard for that B!
4. B - Two Cardio, a Combat and a Mind/Body.  I foolishly choose two games that made me run around ike crazy, and now I need a nap.

The Measurements for this week are:

• Bust - 38.25 Inches (Down by 0.25 Inches from last week)
• Bicep - 11.75 Inches (No change from last week)
• Waist - 34.75 Inches (Down by 0.25 Inches from last week)
• Hips - 41.75 Inches (Down by 0.25 Inches from last week) 
• Thigh - 22.00 Inches (Down by 0.25 Inches from last week)

It's nice to see the measurements start dropping again, it's so weird to see the numbers change each week because it feels so gradual.  It's very good that I have the statistics noted down, otherwise I'm not sure I would have believed it myself.

Yesterday morning I was scanning the UK headlines on the Guardian news website (I'm usually a BBC news girl, but I fancied a change of pace) and I noticed a news blog post about Fern Britton's (UK TV Presenter) weight loss; which she has been attributing to eating better and doing more exercise, but it now turns out was primarily due to the fitting of a gastric band.  What this article was actually about was the media backlash against Britton following this revelation, mainly because she's been advocating regular exercise and eating healthily to the point of fronting a major advertising campaign for Ryvita.

Apparently there have been several articles vilifying Britton for lying about how she achieved the weight loss, and thereby deceiving her fans; which oddly mirrors a similar recent US incident involving Star Jones (I think she is also a TV presenter).

By way of contrast, and however much I enjoyed "Sex and the City", one aspect that really frustrated me about the TV series and the film was that through out Carrie has been portrayed as being the possessor of a enviable figure, apparently without putting in any thought or effort to it's maintenance.  Carrie is quite clearly depicted as not having a regular exercise regime (we see all three of the other women jogging or working out, Carrie sometimes joins them but this is clearly not part of her routine); but she is played by Sarah Jessica Parker, a woman who candidly states that she actually works extremely hard to maintain her rock hard abs.  How many fans of the show realise that is the case though?

Reading the article about Fern this morning, I couldn't help but wonder (did you see what I did there?), which fabrication was worse?  Fern's or Carrie's?

At least Fern may have inspired a few people to join a gym, or to have salad for dinner, and isn't that a positive thing when all is said and done?

Bleeding Ears.

One of the things that really bugged us at the old flat was that the girl downstairs would blast music unexpectedly at all hours of the day or night.  She seemed to only own three CD singles, and we could never decipher what songs they were because all we could hear through the floor would be a thumping bass and the highest notes of the vocals.  I know I've mentioned this before, and now we've moved out you would think I could move on but I seem to be suffering from post traumatic stress. 

To get some idea of what it was like I'd suggest that you clamp a stereo speaker to the ceiling of the room directly under your bed.  Make sure that the stereo is turned up as high as it will go, and it needs to make the bed literally shake to be truly effective.  Then set the stereo to play music at random, but preferably very early in the morning or really late at night.  Extra points if you work out an algorithm that ensures that although the music doesn't play every night, but it will always play on nights when it is particularly important that you get a good nights sleep, say the night before a job interview or an international flight.  Now live with that for eight months.

It's actually only today that I've realised that one of the songs was "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis.  I rooted for Leona when she was on "X Factor" and I was delighted when she won, but the negative associations that I now have with her career making international hit are very strong.  It now sets off a Pavlovian reaction, which finds me automatically reaching for my ear plugs.

Crusaid's Walk for Life - Sunday 1st June.

Cruisaid's Walk for Life is being held on Sunday June 1st this year, there are full details on the website.

It's a 10k sponsored walk through London raising money for, and awareness about, a great AIDS charity.  I really enjoyed the Walk for Life last year, and if I were in London this year I'd do it again. 

Should you happen to be in London on Sunday 1st June, I'd highly recommend it as a way to productively spend the day.  You can sign up in advance or register on the day, but in advance means you have a bit of time to get some sponsorship money together.  I'll warn you now that your legs may well ache a bit afterward, but it's a good ache really!

This year you can even combine the fun with some celeb spotting, I hear Danni Minogue, Four Poofs and a Piano and Alan Cumming will be there...

Boston: Celeb Spotting and a Word About Mashed Potato.

Whilst in Boston we were walking through Harvard Square, heading towards the bookshop I think, and as we crossed the road I saw two men walking the other way deep in conversation.

I immediately said quietly to the Doc "Those two are actors." and then promptly shushed him so I could leaf through my mental Rolodex of actors' faces.

It's always satisfying when I work out who exactly it is that I've just walked passed, and on this occasion it was Judge Phelan from "The Wire" and the FBI-Agent-who-was-on-the-ground in "Snakes on a Plane".  Otherwise known as Peter Gerety and Bobby Cannavale (Those links take you to IMDB, which at the moment has loads of those annoying ads that animatedly sprawl across the page whilst you are trying to read.  I really hate those.)

I have no clue why they were in Boston together.

In totally unrelated news that I kept meaning to mention, we ate our last Boston meal at the S&S.  It's an old-school family-run restaurant, which was originally opened by European immigrants and therefore they know a thing or two about carbs.  For my dinner I had a strong and spicy Bloody Mary; which washed down delicious pan-seared salmon in a white wine and caper sauce, with a great side salad and mashed potato.

Mum, I really have to take you to Boston sometime.  I think the S&S kitchen staff are trained to make the mashed potato from equal parts real butter to potato, with maybe some cream too.  You would definitely approve.

Welcome Bill Clinton

So the sign I posted yesterday had been changed when I walked passed it this morning.  Instead of a non-existent website, it's now a welcome message to Bill Clinton.

He visited our town on the campaign trail for Hillary, and as he was speaking on campus the Doc went to hear him talk.  Doc C started queueing at 2pm, and was allowed into the gym where the talk was being given at 4pm.  It was standing room only, and they had to set up speakers outside for all the people who had queued for two hours only to find there was no space in the hall.

Apparently, when the warm-up lady was trying to get the crowd all excited about Clinton's talk, she yelled "And you know who's going to be the next president?" and with one voice the crowd roared back "OBAMA!". Probably not the response she was hoping for, but at least it's the right party.

I'd chosen not to go to the talk, but on the walk home Doc noticed three matching cars with dark windows slowly rolling along in the rush hour traffic.  He made a joke about the secret service, and then we both looked over to see Bill himself in the back of the next car with an enormous cigar on the go.  I noticed the car behind that was also full of secret service suits, and the one in the front passenger seat was definitely keeping an eye on us over the top of his mirrored shades.  As the only pedestrians we were probably highly suspicious.

It was all very surreal.

Fortunately Bill's route happened to take him right passed this sign, I hope he saw it.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Miss Kylie Minogue!

Tomorrow we are going over to watch TV with Randy and Jasmine.

We will be watching "The Riches", which I am enjoying very much (Eddie Izzard is always a joy, and Minnie Driver is considerably less irritating than I was expecting.), and "Dr Who".  Doc C asked if we'd seen this season, and I said no but that we had missed the Christmas special.

Then Randy mentioned the trailers for the first episode showed scenes set on The Titanic. 

Which means it is in fact the Christmas special. 

Which means the very special guest star is Kylie Minogue OBE!!!

I got very high pitched and excited at this point, obviously, and then I realised that Randy had never heard of Kylie Minogue.  This is inconceivable to me.

I love Kylie.  She works so damned hard, she even beat breast cancer and kept on touring.  You've got to admire that dedication in an entertainer.

As a helpful primer I thought I'd raid YouTube for some special Kylie magic.  I'll put it below the jump, but it includes at least one video from each stage of her pop career (The SAW years, the Indie moment and then the triumphant Pop Princess) and kicks off with a nice little "Neighbours" montage, with some Brit celeb talking heads to fully explain it's impact on mid-80's UK culture.

The Gospel According to The King.

Martha's Revenge - A Discussion of the Dichotomy of a 100% Polyester Blanket with the M.S. Trademark On It.

So after I wrote the last post I was thinking how weird it is that the 100% polyester monstrosity had Martha Stewart's name on it.

I haven't seen any of Martha's TV programmes, but I have read two of her magazines and browsed her website, so certainly I wouldn't position myself as a Martha expert.  However I am convinced there is no way on earth that Martha would have a 100% polyester blanket anywhere near her bedroom.  I just don't see it.  100% cashmere sounds more like it to me.

So if I, a Martha novice, thinks it unlikely this is a product Martha herself would use, or even recommend to a friend, well then why is it out there?  I know how it ended up in our home, but presumably other people have also bought it and I bet a lot of that has to do with the Stewart brand.

Right now I can't think of a British celebrity equivalent of Martha, certainly not one who covers all the bases of cooking, crafting, decorating, entertaining, gardening and general home-making.  In fact I think there maybe a gap in the market, but then I can't imagine any one person in the UK could dictate patrician-esque style in quite the same way, particularly whilst hawking items that have nothing to do with that proscribed style. 

It seems such a dichotomy to me.  Because surely the simplest way most Americans would try to emulate Martha is by buying the products bearing her name at K Mart, and if that product clearly is not of the standard that Martha herself would expect, well then wouldn't that product essentially devalue the whole of the Martha Stewart Living brand somewhat?  Or could it be that I'm reading a teeny bit too much into the fact I really didn't like that damned blanket?

Funnily enough I've just started reading a blog which is detailing the experiences of the blogger as she lives her life entirely based on the dictates of Oprah Winfrey for a year (she's currently 3 months in, as she started at the beginning of 2008).  I may suggest she try the follow up experiment of a year of Martha, because that would be fabulous.

Mid-Afternoon Snack.

My new favourite snack is a sliced apple, dipped in a teaspoon of peanut butter.  I got the idea from various different books on nutrition, and one breathless article about how Demi Moore stays looking so fabulous (Answer: She works damned hard at it, and has amazing self control when it comes to pastry).

Obviously it's an easy snack to prepare at home, but now I'm taking it in to work so I wanted to find away to stop the apple turning brown and manky looking. 

I turned to the font of all knowledge that is "Trade Secrets" (a brilliant book compiled from the equally brilliant BBC TV series of the same name) and found I could dunk the slices in a bowl of water with a squeeze of lemon, or a pinch of salt.  I thought I may as well use both, and it works really well.

Now I have a little Tupperware container full of tasty healthy goodness, and I therefore am not tempted by anything in the nearby vending machines of calorific doom.

Local Theatre

Earlier this week I was bemoaning the lack of West End calibre theatre, although since then I've remembered that "Behind The Iron Mask" (Please click that link, it's got a brilliant photo of the mask itself) made it to the Duchess, illustrating that apparently anything is West End calibre these days. 

Secondly I made that complaint before I saw that Anthony Zerbe will soon be appearing at a local theatre in "They Do it With Mirrors"

Naturally I assumed this would be based on Agatha Christie's "They Do It With Mirrors" (that last link may include spoilers, I stopped reading it half-way just in case) and I quite honestly adore stage adaptations of Christie murder mysteries, even when I know full well who the killer is.  This title happens to be one of the very few Christie whodunits that I haven't read, so it would actually be a surprise. 

However, on checking the theatre website, it turns out that the production coming to town is in fact a one man show about the poet e.e. cummings.  It's had very good reviews and is supposed to be brilliant, but I am still frankly disappointed that I won't get to watch Miss Marple's astonishing detective skills.

To cushion the blow I took a quick canter through Zerbe's impressive IMDB listing of 109 titles to refresh my memory of his illustrious career, and it includes these highlights:

• "Cool Hand Luke"
• "Bonanza"
• "The Omega Man"
• "Mission: Impossible" (the genius sixties TV series, not the Tom Cruise vehicle)
• "Ironside"
• "Papillion"
• "Hawaii Five-O"
• "Kung Fu"
• "The Rockford Files"
• "Little House on the Prairie"
• "KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park"
• "Dynasty"
• "The Equalizer"
• "Columbo"
• "Licence to Kill"
• "The Young Riders"
• "Tales from the Crypt"
• "Murder She Wrote"
• "Star Trek: Insurrection"
• "Walker Texas Ranger"
• "The Matrix Reloaded"

Now I might still go just on the off chance Mr Zerbe will be in the bar afterwards, it would be so interesting. 

I mean does he have Pete Falk's phone number, and, if so, has he ever been out drinking with him and Patrick McGoohan?  Because that would be a story I'd want to hear.

A Candle In The Kitchen.

Whenever the Doc cooks something that involves the chopping of onions there is much wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth, as his eyes invariably begin to sting painfully.  Obviously I hate to see my sweetheart suffer, so I started looking up old wives tales remedies in an attempt to find something that might help.

There was the almost inevitable "wear goggles" advice, as well as the interesting note that contact lenses seem to help, but also slightly bizarre suggestions like holding a piece of bread under your top lip.  The Doc was clearly not going to dignify these ideas by actually trying them, so I gave up.  Coincidentally I then read an entry on a blog I was reading that suggested you try lighting a candle in the kitchen. 

This evening Doc C began chopping onions and almost immediately the air was rent by his cries of pain, so I told him to try the candle thing.  And it actually worked.

Where, you may well ask, did this blogger (who by the way is really very good, you should read her.) find this particularly brilliant home making tip?  Martha Stewart Living Magazine.

That Martha, say what you like about her propensity for dodgy stock trading and corporate fraud, she certainly knows a useful cooking tip or two.

Oscars Recap

The Oscars are always interesting, even though I think they are quite often flawed because you've only got to look at past winners who have now been long forgotten and those films that missed out that are now hailed as classics to see that the Academy doesn't always put it's money on the right horse.  To be honest though I wasn't particularly invested in the awards this year having seen only a couple of the films, and not having a stake in an office pool this year. 

If I was rooting for anyone at all, it was Amy Ryan nominated in the Supporting Actress category for "Gone Baby Gone", not because I'd seen the performance she was nominated for, but because she's so great in "The Wire" and Wire alums are always going to have a special place in my heart.  I'm sorry Amy didn't win, but on the other hand Tilda Swinton is always value for money, and I loved her thank you speech.

Obviously without a TV connected to an aerial or cable or anything I was unable to watch the Oscars live.  Instead I used the killer on-line combo of the Fug Girls (for the New Yorker) live critique of the couture on the initial pre-ceremony red carpet, then to MSN for actual photos of the dresses, finally I switched to the BBC and Oscars home page to get the winners as they happened.

Next year I do intend to be more prepared. For one thing we should have actual TV so I'll definitely watch the ceremony as it happens, I'll also try to see more of the nominated films before hand so I can form proper opinions and I fully intend to organise a sweep stake next time too. 

This is going to be doubly necessary because whilst in the US I won't be able to watch the Eurovision live (I don't think it's even broadcast over here, not even on BBC America.  Damn it!), so something has got to take that important spot in my social calendar.  I know it won't be the same, but I shall simply have to make do.

Veggie Harry

I became vegetarian because, like my mother before me, I didn't like the taste or the texture of meat so I gradually ate less and less until I was eating none at all.  It's always been fairly easy for me to be a vegetarian in England, so much so that I didn't really think about that being an issue when I moved to America.

I found that I simply couldn't get some of the food that I relied upon back in the UK, there are some Quorn products available for example but nowhere near the full range and you cannot find a decent vegetarian sausage for love or money.  Veggie hotdogs yes, English-style veggie sausages definitely no.

The town we live in has a couple of very good restaurants with excellent veggie options, and most of those are based on tempah which I had never had before.  Whilst looking for tempah recipes to cook at home I found Peta's Go Veg website, and they had a free Vegetarian starter kit.  Now I've been a veggie since I was teenager, so I scarcely need a starter pack but what I did need were some suggestions on how I could be a vegetarian more easily in America, so I sent off for it.

It turns out to be a magazine with good recipes, some very good suggestions on what to buy and where, articles on precisely how horrible conditions are on meat farms and, my favourite, a double page spread of celebrity endorsements.

Most of the celebrities are fairly predictable.  They have quotes about being vegetarian or vegan from Paul McCartney, Alicia Silverstone, Pamela Anderson, Joaquin Phoenix, Natalie Portman, Casey Affleck, Tobey Maguire, Kristen Bell, James Cromwell and Forest Whittaker.  They also have a very good quote from the Dalai Lama.

Of this cornucopia of vegetarian talent, the celeb that surprised me the most was Clint Eastwood.  Apparently Clint is a vegan.  I'm not a huge Eastwood fan, but I find that particularly brilliant.

A couple of weeks ago I read an extremely irritating and patronising article in a magazine about how annoying it is to date a vegetarian, and giving all sorts of tips on how to make your loved one eat meat.  It included the suggestion of surreptitiously cooking meat into a dish, serving it to the vegetarian in your life and revealing after the meal exactly what they had just eaten.  I think it was supposed to be funny, but having accidentally eaten meat once or twice myself since becoming a vegetarian, I can assure you it is extremely distressing and if I found out someone I thought cared about me had purposely done that to me, I would be very hurt.

What would be great in situations like that, would be if you could call Eastwood, and get him to come over and explain the error of the chef's ways in full Dirty Harry mode. 

I can just picture it now, "Go ahead punk.  Make my breakfast" 

Myrna!

When you move house, or in my case continents, some times you misplace things. 

A few days ago I was delighted to find my original 1934 MGM publicity postcard for Myrna Loy as Nora in "The Thin Man".  My favourite actress in one of my favourite films.

Quite understandably, I'd tucked the postcard into my copy of "They Had Faces Then.  Annabella to Zorina:  The Superstars, Stars and Starlets of the 1930's".  I love this book, it doesn't just give details of the actresses careers but also includes catty comments about their acting abilities and the odd snippet of gossip.  Many thanks to the BFI library, and their incredible overstocks sales, for bringing it into my life. 

I don't really remember how long I've had the Myrna postcard, as I've only a very vague memory of originally finding her in a box full of postcards in a junk shop, but it's definately well over fifteen years now and the pencilled price on the back indicates I paid a whole £1.50 at the time.

I really must get her a suitably gorgeous art deco-esque frame.

Televised Pro-Celeb Ballroom Dancing. I love it.

Let me preface this by saying that I haven't actually seen "Dancing with the Stars", but I can assure you that it is never going to replace "Strictly Come Dancing" in my heart. That's just never, ever, going to happen.  For starters they have no Bruce and Tess to mug shamelessly between numbers, and whilst they do have Len and Bruno, they have chosen not to also import the hilariously bitchy Craig and Arlene (who, by the way, I think can give the most constructive criticism if they actually feel like being helpful).

I also had got to know the professional dancers of the UK show really well, every year I keep my fingers crossed that Anton will get a really good partner for a change, or that we'll see footage of someone actually slapping Brendan.  I always wonder if Flavia is going to be able find a way to cut her skirts even shorter, and if she does what Lilia and Karen will do about that.  The dancers here I have no invested interest in at all.

Finally, the BBC masterstroke has to be "Strictly Come Dancing: It takes Two" with Claudia Winkelman.  For some reason I didn't used to like Claudia, but she is so charming on this that I've completely revised my opinion.  I would very much like to go for lunch with her, and maybe do a little light shopping afterwards.  That would be so much fun, particularly if she invited Doctor Tania from "House of Tiny Tear aways", because then I'd also invite my friend Richard and it would be a wholly delightful afternoon.

Anyway, I digress...

When this year's line up for "Dancing with the Stars" was announced, I just glanced at it out of curiosity, and I have to be honest and say that, whilst I recognise only half of the celeb contestants, I'm still really quite impressed with who they've got.  I've high lighted those celebs whose names I know:

Olympic Gold Medal skater Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas
Actress Priscilla Presley and Louis van Amstel
NFL star Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska
Actor Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke
R&B singer Mario and Karina Smirnoff (pictured above)
Oscar-Award-winning actress Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez
Illusionist Penn Jillette and Kym Johnson
TV and Radio Personality Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough
Actress Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough
Actress Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani
Former Tennis Champ Monica Seles and Jonathan Roberts
Actor Steve Guttenberg and Anna Trebunskaya

Isn't that line up fascinating?  I'm already thinking about who I'd put money on, how I wish I had an office to organise a sweep-stake in!  To start with, do you think Priscilla is a ringer?  The woman used to be married to the King of Rock n' Roll for crying out loud, surely she must have some moves!  I'm most surprised to see Marlee Matlin on the list, now I think she's going to look stunning in all the frocks and I hope she does brilliantly, but my first thought was that surely being deaf is going to make this really difficult for her.  I imagine that knee jerk assumption is probably why she's signed up to do the show, and I look forward to being proved very wrong indeed.

My favourite thing about this line up is that it could potentially lead to a dance off between Steve Guttenberg and Penn Jillette. Can you imagine?  I would LOVE to see that, particularly if it were a jive, or an American Smooth.

We need a cable connection, right now!

A Home and Away Hero (Mrs K, I think you are going to like this one!)

Last night we were watching "Heroes: Season One" (I'm getting the Doc up to speed), and I was thinking what an annoying character Janice Parkman is.

***MINOR SPOILERS***

All she ever seems to do is look pensive and then whinge at Matt, who is one of my favourite characters, plus she had an affair with that sleazy blonde cop.  I'm not keen on her at all.

But it was nagging at me that she seemed familiar, really really familiar.  Then I suddenly realised, she looked a lot like Roxy, from "Home and Away" about 10 years ago.  Roxanne was a great H&A character, she was an art teacher, and her big story line was a boyfriend noticing a lump in her breast which turned out to be cancer.  I also remember her shocking the small town of Summer Bay by attending a fancy dress party as Eve wearing a flesh-coloured body-stocking and some strategically draped vine leaves.  Donald "Flathead" Fisher did not approve at all.

Anyway, I IMDB'd her and Janice Parkman is indeed portrayed by the very same Elizabeth Lackey who played Roxanne from 1992-95.

That is a perfect demonstration of my own completely useless super-skill.  I can recognise an actor over 10 years later, despite their very best efforts to throw me off by radically rethinking their hairstyle, moving countries and changing accents entirely.  In this instance Ms Lackey also managed to go from playing a character I really liked to a character who I wouldn't miss at all in Season Two, which shows she's got some range.  I'm not sure it's good range, but it's range none the less.

Mind you this is the second time I've watched this season of "Heroes" and it's only just occurred to me who she is. A few years ago I'd have been on that from the moment she walked on screen.  Ah, well...

Heath Ledger

I couldn't believe it when I read on-line last night that Heath Ledger, one of my favourite actors, had died. 

At first I thought it had to be a mistake, or a film marketing ploy in really very bad taste.  One of the first things I did this morning was re-check the news to make sure there wasn't a retraction, or that I hadn't made the whole thing up in my sleep.

The first reports I read stated simply that it was a drug overdose, and that he was found surrounded by pills.

Having read that, you do start to think that maybe young Hollywood needs to be given copies of John Belushi's biography as mandatory reading, maybe they need to institute some sort of buddy system, or maybe someone who has been-there-done-that and survived, like Dennis Hopper or Robert Downey Jr., needs to give regular seminars.

But then the Australian news reports that I've read since have clarified that it was probably an extreme reaction to the sleeping pills he had started taking recently, so actually it doesn't seem to be about drug abuse.  He just wanted to get some sleep.

Heath Ledger had a two year old daughter, he'd made only 18 films, and he was 28.

Taking Their Little Tiny Imaginations and Squishing Them into Exactly the Same Shape as Everybody Elses.

I wanted to get started on my salt-dough Christmas extravaganza immediately, but by the time I got into town today the local art supply shop was shut, so the Doc very kindly drove me to department store.  We found 4 aisles dedicated to Christmas decorations, and everything was either extremely tasteful and/or it was hideous.

I miss Paperchase so much.

Anyway, we picked up only hanging wires and white Christmas lights, and then continued on our way to look for white acrylic paint.  Only to discover there was none to be found.

In the stationary section there were a small amount of art supplies but they only went as far as crayons, or water based paints for painting on pavements with.  There were a few art project kits, with the means and instructions to make a very specific thing.  It was all very brightly coloured and extremely depressing.  The most usefully creative thing I found there was glue.

Recently I was perusing David Lynch's biographical details on IMDB, having just watched "The Elephant Man", and I found this quote:

"My mother refused to give me coloring books as a child. She probably saved me, Because when you think about it, what a coloring book does is completely kill creativity."

Mrs Lynch would have hated that aisle.